Dear Food,

Dear Food,
I keep trying to end this thing between us, yet you keep showing up everywhere I go. It was okay at first when we were young and just getting started, we had an open relationship then. You let me spend time with Exercise and Fast Metabolism and still come back and enjoy perhaps more of you than ever.
Then things got weird between us you weren't around as much and I started hanging out with Sweet Lady Booze and her slutty friend Drugs. Everything got so crazy then, but after all that we were back together ,that whore Drugs was gone and we were spending more time together than ever.
Now we have this weird love triangle: me, you and Sweet Booze. This situation could get lethal. My heart is literally telling me I should turn my back on both of you . I know that won't happen, can't happen. You have always been so good to me Food.
Maybe you could just back off for a little while. I know it's tough with the holidays coming up but I think it's time. To be honest with you Exercise has been trying to get back in my graces and it might be time to make things right between us. As long as I promise not spend so much time with you Food, Exercise told me we could still see each other occasionally.
We've been through so much together, growing up you been there at holidays, birthdays, funerals, graduations you were always there with the utmost support. You've been at sporting events, movies, bars and you are always there after a late night of drinking to guide me home. That maybe be the best thing about you Food.
But this has all got to stop now. My knees hurt, my pants fit all weird, everyone keeps telling me you are no good for me anymore. Maybe they are all just jealous of what we've had together. Then again maybe they are right.
Hopefully someday we can patch things up, see eye to eye and make us both happy. For now i bid adieu Food. So long.
Affectionately Yours,
Greg